Dating Integrity

by Janet Walgren
Tonight I overheard a phone conversation – actually it was several consecutive conversations – while waiting outside the Orem library for my daughter. I have been considering writing this post for quite some time. The conversations that I heard insured that this post would be written tonight.

Relationships can be great and wonderful. They can also be terrible depending on the integrity of the parties involved. The conversations that I heard tonight were between a young woman and three other parties. The first conversation was with her mother concerning a young man who apparently was in love with her. She didn’t feel the same way about him but didn’t want to tell him because she felt like she would crush his heart. The second conversation was with her roommate about a Victoria Secret purchase for the purpose of further entrapping the young man whom she had no interest in. The third conversation was with the young man and was very enticing and seductive. 

I am sick of seeing men and women pursue each other with no integrity. What is wrong with letting a person know that friendship is all that will ever come out of an acquaintance? Not everyone is made for each other. If you are not in love with someone, tell them. It is okay. If they are not in love with you, let go. Not only is it okay, it allows both of you to put your effort into finding someone who is right for you.  

Why lie? Why cling to a relationship that won’t work? Why let someone cling to a hope that is not there? Why not be friends and let nature take its course? Even if someone isn’t as deceitful as this young woman it is kinder, by far, to let someone know if their regard cannot be returned before they are truly hurt. In situations like these counting your conquests is a heartless behavior if it comes at the price of someone else’s tender feelings.  If a room mate “steals” your love, perhaps the person wasn’t your love but was meant for another. 

Lack of integrity leads to misery and often divorce. Later both parties are shopping for true love and serving up seconds. Why cause both persons to become seconds when both of you could be happy the first go around with a little heartache before the wedding? Why tie up a person and give false hope? Why cause others to put their futures on hold for naught? It is possible to be friends without causing false expectations. 

Honesty is always the best policy.


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