By Janet Walgren
I love to go to garage sales. Nothing is more fun than talking to the eager children who are trying their best to help Mom and Grandpa out. I especially like the younger variety that tends to be loud enough for everybody to hear them. I love their honesty; it is refreshing to find an honest lad…a child without guile tends to be a lot of fun when being honest…WAY TO HONEST …horror of horrors!!! And that is why I am the proud new owner of a purple hat.
“Hey miss, ya gonna buy something?” the young lad began in earnest as I stepped out of my car. Spotting a marvelous opportunity for fun, I replied, “Don’t know!!! What ya got?”
My how Grandpa beamed at his budding salesman…bet he will grow up to be director of sales for some super mega corporation with the experience I’m giving him. How can that old gal resist such a cute guy as my grandson? Another sale in the bag, he reassured himself.
Quickly I scanned grandpa’s wares for something that was deliciously embarrassing. Ah! There it is…a purple hat. I grabbed the hat and put it on. “What da ya think? How do I look?” I queried in my best southern drawl.
“Ya look like an OLD COWBOY,” came his frank reply.
“But do OLD COWBOYS wear purple hats?” I responded noticing that Grandpa was a few shades more purple than the hat.
“OLD GRANDMA COWBOYS DO!” he stood firm in his resolve.
The lad’s mother was now on the scene – red faced as grandpa. Both were stuttering trying to interject a comment but I was too quick with my next response.
“But this hat has a purple bow on it.” I protested as I quickly spun the hat around backwards. “Old grandma cowboy hats don’t have bows, do they?”
“Yep they do if they are purple!” he was emphatic.
“Well, who do ya think bought this dumb old purple grandma cowboy hat in the first place?” I asked.
“Don’t know, but it sure is dumb.”
“I bought that hat at Nordstrom’s a long time ago and paid good money for it,” the lad’s blushing mom finally got a word in.
“So, ya gonna buy it?” What a closer this young lad!
“Don’t know if ah gotta nough money.” I pulled the hat down lower on my face as I pulled out my billfold in a grand display to entice the lad’s next response.
His curiosity got the better of him. “Well how much money ya got in there?”
“MICHAEL!!!” burst the chorus of grandpa and mom in unison.
Putting the hat down, and handing Michael a quarter, I stated, “I’m pretty poor, guess ah’d better just settle for this ole bag.”
As I left, grandpa’s neighbor, a friend of mine, shouted, “Hi Janet!” And being neighborly, I waved and shouted my best and loudest HOWDY right back. I could hear grandpa gasp behind me as he considered the reality of my knowing his neighbor.
When I got home and related my fun to Heather, she decided that the memory of Michael the super salesman was worth the purchase of a $2.00 purple hat. She walked the block and a half to make the purchase.
“Hey miss, ya gonna buy something?” Michael was still on the job.
“What da ya think of this?” Heather asked as she walked directly over to the purple hat, picked it up and put it on.
“It made the last guy look like A DUMB OLD GRANDMA COWBOY!” he replied.
“MICHAEL!!!” came the instant shouted reply in unison.
“Did it now? Well then I guess ah’d better buy it.” Grandpa blushed knowingly as Heather handed Michael $2.00.
And that is why I am the proud new owner of my DUMB OLD GRANDMA PURPLE COWBOY HAT WITH A PURPLE BOW EMBELLISHMENT.